I'm just here for the free condoms

I can't remember which year it was when I read a story about Olympic officials being worried that their supply of condoms they were distributing free to the athletes was diminishing at such a rapid rate, they were worried they'd run out.

Talk about your international affairs!

That said, my whole theory behind participating in these Knitting Olympics has been rather like this - not everyone, or even most will medal, but boy howdy can I still have fun thanks to those free condoms.

To those who will or have medaled? I salute you! For the rest of us? Let's find someplace with an open bar after the closing ceremonies and say "ciao!" with style!